six weeks....

Lane has made it to the six week mark!!!! I meet today with joy for my miracle baby and sadness that time is flying by so fast. Looking back on the past six weeks my life has been full of smiles, laughter, hugs, kisses, and sadness, tears, and depression. We have brought our beautiful baby into this world, then told we only had at most six months with him here on earth. Lane has defied all odds and proved so many doctors wrong. From not having trisomy thirteen to kicking his little legs in a fit a rage, he has proved himself stronger than any of us could ever be. As I look over at him now tears come to my eyes at just how precious he truly is. A true angel sent to me straight from God. I count myself lucky to be the reciever of such an amazing gift. I'm not sure yet why we have been through our trials and tribulations, but I know there is a reason far beyond me and I will know someday just what God had planned. It has been a roller coaster ride and one I would gladly take again. In the past six weeks we have been on the recieving end of love, prayers, and generositiy. I want to thank anyone who helped us in anyway, be it a small prayer, a kind smile, or a contribution. Lane has grown so much from the tiny, sick little four pound twelve ounce baby boy to the seven and a half pound happy little guy he is now. He smiles and has a personality completely his own and he always makes his mama smile even when he is mad and kicking everywhere. If he only knew that  I live to see those litttle legs move:) He has started grabbing anything his little hands get a hold of, especially mommys hair.
  Last week with my quick update I came to realize that our trials are far from over. I went to Indy on thursday and friday with my mom truly expecting to be told my son was normal and needed no special interventions anymore. I was sadly mistaken and it hit me really hard. As mentioned in the last post he has serious sleep apnea, his back wasn't healing as well as the doctor wanted, and he is aspirating formula into his lungs when bottle fed. By the time I was headed back  I was feeling really down and depressed. Friday reminded me of the serenity prayer. I said this prayer constantly from the time I found out I was carrying a baby with spina bifida to the time I brought our baby home. For those who don't know it, here it is, it's my lifesaver and reminder I am not the one in control of my life...God is.
God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can, and
wisdom to know the difference.

I want to ask you all to say a prayer for a family I was in the hospital with. After several miscarriages she finally became pregnant with twins and made it past her first trimester. At sixteen or seventeen weeks her water broke on the baby boy. She stayed in the hospital for eleven weeks, and bedrest a total of eighteen weeks when she finally had the twins. The girl is doing good but the boy passed away last week due to complications of underdeveloped lungs. They are in my thoughts and prayers and hopefully yours too.

Well I'm going to end this post now and put some pictures up later this week. May God bless you all.....